Allies in the mist I'd like there to be less of the slightly discordant background piano (at 00:44 it really begins to clash), or just hear it without, that track just doesn't seem to blend well with the rest. Perhaps the clash at 44 seconds is because of that new string track, the string track sounds good: it adds depth, lends story to the piece, makes it less boring; but the piano at that point has to change as well to accompany and compliment the change. You can experiment with removing tracks completely and listening to it several times in many different configurations, perhaps even getting multiple songs out of it. It could be that the new string track ought to be eliminated later on... it definitely needs something to fix the discordance of the song.
Another detail: at 02:44 I like what you did, stopping it there, but you need some sort of impact, perhaps a drum or two, or even a good, sharp group of strings to add some purpose to that rhythm at the end there. You need some punctuation at the end, not simple, empty spaces.
When all is done, I love the concept, the style, and the epic-ness of it. I hope you put some more work into it, it could become a pretty great piece, maybe even a game soundtrack... Best of luck and good wishes. I really like the theory. I want to hear a remake that is worth at least four and a half stars. I had to give you 2 stars this time around, because the quality isn't there, but the theory, I really appreciate.
DJ Milk-a-cow - First 